Sunday, September 5, 2021

How to Accept Change in Your Life

 

A Personal Review - How to Accept Change In Your Life

Life has been challenging for many of us for at least a few years now. 

What's happening around us, directly or indirectly, can seem overwhelming, especially when the issues touch our lives.

Here are My Five Personal Ideas on How to Accept Change and Move Forward:

1. Resist the Natural Urge to Resist the Change

Whether it's moving, a breakup, or a job change, embrace it. 

I know, that sounds impossible and a bit crazy, right? However, trying to embrace the change helps create a mindset that puts us into task-oriented activity to do the things needed to move forward. Despite it being difficult to go through that change, we are progressing through change instead of bathing in dread.


2. Be Solution Oriented

I'm not one to sit inside a problem for too long. It's just not who I am. Over the past four decades, being a solution-oriented person has carried me through a mountain of problems. 

If you're wondering what solution-oriented means, it means to spend your energy solving the problem instead of digging yourself into a pit of despair. 

Be productive with your mind; write down your options, talk to people who can help with the issue, research, and plan your way out. Take action, whatever that may be, and tackle the change with tasks and fortitude.


3.  Don't Suppress Your Emotions - But Don't Dwell on the Negative Either

This doesn't mean you get to yell and scream at people willy-nilly! And it certainly doesn't mean you get a free ticket to the irrationality show. 

Talk out your changes with others who can help. If you need to cry, find a safe shoulder or a private place where you can go ahead and bawl your eyes out. We know most men won't do this, but men need it most to all. I've raised four sons and personally know the emotional suppression that can take place. Break free from your emotional jail.

Once you've allowed your feelings to escape, focus on moving forward. To get through it, you have to go through it.


4. Accept Responsibility For Where You Are in Your Life

For adults, where we are in our life is a result of every choice we've made. That may seem a bit harsh, especially when we've had outside circumstances shape our lives. The operative word there is "shape."

Once we enter adulthood, every choice we make forms who we are; friends, where we live, how we live, schooling, work, relationships. Every one of these areas involves a choice. 

I've long ago come to terms with the fact that I am where I am, problems and all, because of every choice I've made. As much as I like to share my successes, I've accepted that my choices created my world, both good and bad; and yes, there have been some not-so-good times.

I remember sitting at the dinner table with my sons and throwing out this point about accepting responsibility for where you are in life; you should have seen their eyes widen! 

Most of us are rarely ready to accept responsibility for everything in our life until we really think about it and what that means. I'm here today because of series of decisions, or lack of decisions that I made and didn't make. Period.

This can be a freeing mental experience as well. Accepting responsibility has helped to point me in better directions and helped me to cope with adversity with grit. 


5. Choose Your Words Carefully While Going Through Change

The self-fulfilling prophecy is a real thing. The words we speak affect us. While you're going through life's changes, avoid words like hate, hurts, no way, can't, won't, ahole, and any other words that don't serve the solution or move you forward. The only exception to this is when you're having that all-important emotional release moment(s) described in point number three. 

When having a tough time, try 'opposite day.' I use this technique quite often. If inside I'm feeling apprehensive about an upcoming change or problem and all that is real is telling me I should wallow in the depths of despair, I project the polar opposite. 

I do opposite-day until good feelings become a natural feeling. Since I've practiced this so much, the change in my emotions will happen within an hour or less. It may take you longer to go through the faking it process, but you'll eventually master this.

Remember this one thing if nothing else at all;

"Don't let people rent space in your head" - Be your own inner voice, fight for your true self, lead with love and compassion, even when you're not getting any in return. Do it for the greater good. You're part of that greater good as well.

Additional Personal Guidance For Life:

10 Ways to Be Happy Even When Life is a Bucket of Lemons

Top 10 Ways to Manage Stress and Anger

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be medical advice and is not meant to be professional mental advice. I'm not a doctor. I'm just a mom sharing my decades of personal life experience.




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8 comments:

  1. "Opposite day" would make me laugh just to start with, which would be a good thing! It reminds me of something Dr. Seuss would say in one of his stories. I tend to say I'm okay, which everyone around me knows is code for tough day, but I'm okay. Some things, like death of a love one, requires me to just push through days (cleaning closets or whatever work will keep me moving) We each have our own ways of surviving, but you have certainly provided excellent advice on what we can teach ourselves to do before we find ourselves facing that opposite day(s).

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    Replies
    1. Yes death of a loved one is an entirely different internal battle, it's more than accepting change - I understand that to the core of my being as I know you understand it too - hugs for all you've been through, and survived xxoo

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  2. Barbara dear, thank you for sharing your wisdom. I truly admire how much you live “with intention” and how proactive you are in pulling/pushing yourself from sadness and the brink of despair to problem-solving mode and focusing on things that are within your power to change or accept. Someone very wise and very dear to me used to refer to what you call opposite day as “fake it till you make it.” It’s surprising how powerful this approach can be!

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    Replies
    1. Margaret, your intuition and sixth-sense is amazing. I feel as though you know me inside and out. You're amazing at "seeing" - it's such a gift you have.

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    2. Barbara, what a beautiful thing to say! Many thanks, dear friend. 💗

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  3. Barbara you have given us all some really sage advice. Your wisdom is deep, but so do-able. I hope lots of people read this and reflect on how it can help them or someone they love, who might find themselves in these circumstances. Thank you for sharing this with us!

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  4. Thank you for these wise and insightful, practical strategies for coping with change. It is useful to reflect on how each one could be useful in our own lives and to help others.

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  5. Barbara, you always have such good advice for coping with situations. Your thoughts on coping with change are excellent. Thank you for sharing & caring.

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