How To Get Through All of It - A Personal Diary Entry

How to Get Through All of It - A Personal Diary Entry Review

Living over six decades, I've gathered some of the tools needed to overcome life's constant challenges. I thought I'd share a few tidbits for those seeking coping mechanisms.

The Most Important Thing I've Learned in This Life So Far

I can definitively say, the most valuable lesson I've learned is that the peace we seek is entirely inside of us, at our core. It doesn't come from anything or any person. 

When the storm swirls around me, I hold onto that which is entirely mine, my soul. 

Our soul is the one thing that is truly ours. Unseen and always ready to be nurtured, it's not the possession of anyone except ourselves and the higher power we believe in.

Five Techniques to Help You Get Through It All

1. Mindfulness

Mindfulness can be an overused, confusing term.

For me, it's when I choose to practice being wholly present in a moment. When being 'present' doesn't come naturally, I use a repetitive mantra or a prayer to bring my mind into the now and away from that rabbit-thinking-hole that leads nowhere. 

It takes practice to perfect, but like any exercise, it becomes easier each time.

2. Prayer

Prayer isn't just for the religiously committed. 

You can create your own prayer to the universe or the higher power that means something to you. For me, it's usually Psalm 23 on repeat in my mind. The beautiful thing about prayer is that you can do it anywhere, anytime. 

As soon as you feel yourself getting upset or thinking thoughts that lead you to a dark place, STOP and begin repeating that prayer or inspirational phrase you decided upon. Repeat it over and over until you bring yourself back to a healthy center. If it takes all day, so what! Repeat it all day, and don't let anything else in.

When I spend time praying for other people, one by one, with specifics for each of them, I feel so much better. Try it; when you're feeling at the end of your rope, start praying for all your loved ones.

I go on prayer bike rides; I get to exercise physically and spiritually. I spend the entire bike ride praying for my friends, family, country, planet, and the universe. The prayers are unique and specific to each of them.

3. Music

For me, I sing. Put your headphones on and listen or sing your guts out. My family is used to me singing full tilt. I'm grateful for that. Depending on the lyrics and message I need, I choose the song for the moment. One of my favorite spiritual groups is Mercy Me. While typing, I'm listening to their song "Say I Won't" (Live from the 2021 K-Love Fan Awards). 

4. Realize You Can't Change People

This is a tough lesson to learn. If you're one of the lucky ones, you'll discover it quickly in your early years. If you understand this as early as your 20s, you might just have the world by the tail! 

What does it mean to understand that you can't change a person? 

It means that they have to walk their walk; you can't do it for them. That goes for spouses, siblings, friends, and children. We can teach with our words, but most importantly with our actions, and be there for them; we can't do it for them. I learned this first hand, it was brutal, but we got through it.

When there's a situation that hurts, that I have no power over (and the older I get, the more there are), I pray over and over. Some days I spend most of the day mentally praying.

5. Let It Go

Holy crap, that's overly simplified, isn't it?  

When I was younger, I used to get upset with people who told me to 'just let it go!' What in the world does that mean! That's how I used to feel.

What it DOESN'T mean is to not have empathy, compassion, and a good heart. Letting go isn't about not caring.

Today, at this stage of life, I completely understand what it means to let it go; it means,

• practice mindfulness when you're consumed with an issue
• pray when you're consumed with an issue
• exercise when you're consumed with an issue
• listen to music when you're consumed with an issue
• trust in a positive outcome; see it
• have faith in those around you
• always embrace love no matter the pain; love them anyways
• and finally, only take action to tackle a problem when it's warranted that you do so

HAVE FAITH. Believe in the greater good, and higher solutions, and believe in your prayers. 

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10 Ideas on How to Unwind When Life is Nothing But a Big Knot

 

How do you manage this crazy life? 

I know! Sometimes we can't!

When life gets too otherworldly, we can implement techniques to bring ourselves back to earth. But sometimes, spiritually leaving earth is the break we need!

Here are Ten Ideas on How to Destress and Unwind

(1) Go For a Walk

If you're able to handle walking, in my opinion, that's the best way to try and clear your head. Health permitting, physical movement is free and something we can do almost anytime, anywhere.

(2) Aromatherapy

Choose a scent that relaxes you. I love anything lemon or eucalyptus. How about you? What is your favorite candle scent?

(3) Meditation, Mindfulness, and/or Prayer

Whatever your belief system, focus on the combined power of body, mind, and spirit. I pray all the time and everywhere. You can also try repeating short, positive reinforcing phrases whenever negative thoughts creep over you. On really tough days, I've often been in a constant state of prayer repetition. For me, I find peace when I pray for others.

(4) Sleep

Are you overtired? Have you been restless and unable to get a good night's sleep? Admittedly it's hard to sleep on demand; otherwise, you would have slept, right? Try to take a nap or two (if you can), listen to relaxing music, or use the app "Calm." 

(5) A Hot Drink - Perhaps a Flavored Tea or Other Treat

A soothing hot beverage (as Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory often said, lol). It sounds too simple, doesn't it? A warm drink is comforting - he was right.

(6) A Day on the Couch, or in Bed, Doing Nothing, Watching Movies

Sometimes we just need to stop. Even when we feel we've been unproductive and don't deserve to stop, that's when we should stop. Watch your favorite movie with a warm blanket and a nice hot beverage!

(7) Drink More Water

For some people, drinking water is difficult. My mother-in-law wasn't a water drinker, so I get it. However, if you can handle drinking water, get a good six cups a day. To achieve the six-cup threshold, try to drink two cups in the morning, two in the afternoon, and two at night. 

(8) Turn Off the Negative News

We are bombarded with so much negativity these days. Be proactive with what you allow in your head. It's ok and necessary to be up-to-date and informed, but there's no need to have that news be on repeat and consume our lives. I'll venture a guess that most people in your life, directly or indirectly, are good people. The news does not reflect the life most of us are living. In the early 2000s, I was so consumed by the news that I wrote these song lyrics about the state of the planet. I proactively moved forward, and years later, followed up with this poem about Good People.

(9) Laugh! Watch or Read Something Funny

Skip movies and tv shows about crime, death, stealing, hate, and war. Don't turn those shows on when you're in a funk. Basically, turn off the ugly side of humanity. Go straight for humor. 

(10) Be Grateful - Practice Inner Truth

When I'm feeling overwhelmed, I give myself a shake and remind myself how lucky I am. I'm actively grateful for things like running water, electricity, and plumbing! Truth is a self-searching technique I use. I force myself to examine my truths, be honest with my feelings and acknowledge my imperfections and how I can be better to those around me and myself.

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How to Accept Change in Your Life

 

A Personal Review - How to Accept Change In Your Life

Life has been challenging for many of us for at least a few years now. 

What's happening around us, directly or indirectly, can seem overwhelming, especially when the issues touch our lives.

Here are My Five Personal Ideas on How to Accept Change and Move Forward:

1. Resist the Natural Urge to Resist the Change

Whether it's moving, a breakup, or a job change, embrace it. 

I know, that sounds impossible and a bit crazy, right? However, trying to embrace the change helps create a mindset that puts us into task-oriented activity to do the things needed to move forward. Despite it being difficult to go through that change, we are progressing through change instead of bathing in dread.

2. Be Solution Oriented

I'm not one to sit inside a problem for too long. It's just not who I am. Over the past four decades, being a solution-oriented person has carried me through a mountain of problems. 

If you're wondering what solution-oriented means, it means to spend your energy solving the problem instead of digging yourself into a pit of despair. 

Be productive with your mind; write down your options, talk to people who can help with the issue, research, and plan your way out. Take action, whatever that may be, and tackle the change with tasks and fortitude.

3.  Don't Suppress Your Emotions - But Don't Dwell on the Negative Either

This doesn't mean you get to yell and scream at people willy-nilly! And it certainly doesn't mean you get a free ticket to the irrationality show. 

Talk out your changes with others who can help. If you need to cry, find a safe shoulder or a private place where you can go ahead and bawl your eyes out. We know most men won't do this, but men need it most to all. I've raised four sons and personally know the emotional suppression that can take place. Break free from your emotional jail.

Once you've allowed your feelings to escape, focus on moving forward. To get through it, you have to go through it.

4. Accept Responsibility For Where You Are in Your Life

For adults, where we are in our life is a result of every choice we've made. That may seem a bit harsh, especially when we've had outside circumstances shape our lives. The operative word there is "shape."

Once we enter adulthood, every choice we make forms who we are; friends, where we live, how we live, schooling, work, relationships. Every one of these areas involves a choice. 

I've long ago come to terms with the fact that I am where I am, problems and all, because of every choice I've made. As much as I like to share my successes, I've accepted that my choices created my world, both good and bad; and yes, there have been some not-so-good times.

I remember sitting at the dinner table with my sons and throwing out this point about accepting responsibility for where you are in life; you should have seen their eyes widen! 

Most of us are rarely ready to accept responsibility for everything in our life until we really think about it and what that means. I'm here today because of series of decisions, or lack of decisions that I made and didn't make. Period.

This can be a freeing mental experience as well. Accepting responsibility has helped to point me in better directions and helped me to cope with adversity with grit. 

5. Choose Your Words Carefully While Going Through Change

The self-fulfilling prophecy is a real thing. The words we speak affect us. While you're going through life's changes, avoid words like hate, hurts, no way, can't, won't, ahole, and any other words that don't serve the solution or move you forward. The only exception to this is when you're having that all-important emotional release moment(s) described in point number three. 

When having a tough time, try 'opposite day.' I use this technique quite often. If inside I'm feeling apprehensive about an upcoming change or problem and all that is real is telling me I should wallow in the depths of despair, I project the polar opposite. 

I do opposite-day until good feelings become a natural feeling. Since I've practiced this so much, the change in my emotions will happen within an hour or less. It may take you longer to go through the faking it process, but you'll eventually master this.

Remember this one thing if nothing else at all;

"Don't let people rent space in your head" - Be your own inner voice, fight for your true self, lead with love and compassion, even when you're not getting any in return. Do it for the greater good. You're part of that greater good as well.

Additional Personal Guidance For Life:

10 Ways to Be Happy Even When Life is a Bucket of Lemons

Top 10 Ways to Manage Stress and Anger

Disclaimer: This is not meant to be medical advice and is not meant to be professional mental advice. I'm not a doctor. I'm just a mom sharing my decades of personal life experience.

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My Top Ten Ways to Manage Stress and Anger

A Personal Review of Ten Ways to Manage Stress and Anger

Unfortunately, nobody gets to live a stress-free life.

Personally speaking, life has handed me buckets of stress. Keeping myself centered has been an active, neverending exercise.

My Top Ten Ways to Manage Stress & Anger

1. Deep Breathing - One of My Personal Faves

What's great about this technique is, you can do it anywhere. If you're out-and-about and are dealing with a difficult situation or even have a stressful thought, start taking those slow deep breaths. I like to do this to the count of six; count slowly to six as you breathe in and slowly to six as you breathe out.

2. Step Away From the Situation

If you're able to physically remove yourself from a stressful situation, then do it. Take a short walk or remove yourself from the space where the problem or stress persists. If you have to be around the person, or problem, revert to quiet deep breathing exercises. Just focus on your breath so that you're not consumed with negative thoughts. Ultimately walking away, and deep breathing provides you with a distraction. 

The "twenty-four hour rule" is a calming method used in sports with parents. Give it twenty-four hours before you complain to the coach about a matter pertaining to your child. Time offers perspective. It's a terrific technique for all aspects of life.

3. Body Movement - One of My Personal Faves

For me, this one works best most of the time. I need to burn off my stress, which normally involves a bike ride or pedaling like a maniac on the Cubii, conveniently located under my desk. By the way, if you haven't heard of the Cubii, I highly recommend it.

4. Distraction

This one works well for a friend of mine. She's able to perform a task, read, or watch a movie to get her mind off a stressful situation. For me, this doesn't work. However, if you're able to free your mind of a problem using a movie or book as a distraction, go for it!

5. Pray for Other People - One of My Personal Faves

I use this one most of the time. Even though I'm in a stressful situation, I pray for others, and I pray continuously. I go through each person individually, asking for specific things about their life and their needs. By taking the focus off of myself, I find peace and a bit more understanding. 

6. Listen to Music or Motivational Videos or Audio Books

Play positive music or messages. Use headphones to block out the rest of the world. The negativity surrounding us can be overwhelming, never mind adding a stressful moment or event to the mix! Battle that with positive words. Fight the dark energy with light energy.

7. Take Stock of Your Own Mistakes and Faults

I do practice this one. When I'm upset with another person, I actively remember my own mistakes throughout life, and remind myself of my flaws. I try very hard not to give myself anger-freebies and actively reflect upon the mistakes I've made throughout life. When I think about my faults, I have kinder thoughts about the person I'm upset with.

8. Put the Problem in Perspective

Most of us tend to blow up an issue into tangents when pissed off with another person. We start thinking about every other little thing the person did as well as the immediate issue. I think women tend to do this more? When I'm upset about one particular issue, after fuming for a bit, I remember to focus on the issue that needs tending; not a lifetime of issues. Even if other matters have been brushed under the table for a future date to solve, I try to remember to focus on the issue at hand. Not easy.

9. It's O.K. To Be Mad for a While

Allow yourself the time you need to get past the anger stage. You have a right to go through this step! When I'm stressed or upset, especially if it involves another person, I let myself feel those emotions so that I can get past them. When I'm ready, I practice many of the tips I featured above; deep breathing, prayer, music, and so on.

10. When Possible Seek a Solution

Not all problems have a solution, but some do. When you've regrouped and you're past the anger stage, begin the solution process. Unfortunately, only you know what that is. I use this one measure as a guide; if the solution is mutual it's potentially a good start.

Bonus Tip Number 11: If you are wrong, apologize. 

Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor. This isn't professional medical advice. Like most moms, I'm just a mother and grandmother with life experience, sharing my personal tips and discoveries. 

Note: The author may receive a commission from purchases made using links found in this article. “As an Amazon Associate, Ebay (EPN) and/or Esty (Awin) Affiliate, I (we) earn from qualifying purchases.”

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