Tuesday, May 5, 2020

Reviewing My Own Fear Factor

Admitting You Have Fear Is A Beginning

I've been struggling with some personal fear in the last several months. Maybe a review of my journey might help others begin to face their own fears. I know I'm not alone; most of us have fears that overtake us from time to time. With the recent events that have gripped the world, many have found new things to be afraid of. Fear is normal but sometimes we aren't ready to admit that we are afraid. I am a firm believer that admitting something is the first step in beginning to overcome and move forward.

fear factor
We all have fear, overcoming it is the trick
image courtesy of pixabay.com

What I have realized in the last few days is that I've been almost frozen with fears just below the surface of my consciousness. I haven't been walking around thinking about being afraid or thinking that I was scared but the emotion had been there for quite a while just waiting for me to do something. I've decided to start working on what I'm fearful of; kick those debilitating thoughts to the proverbial curb, so to speak.

There were hints that went unnoticed


As I have worked through some of my feelings in the last few days, I realized that there were some subtle little hints back in December. A tiny little flag was waving in the distance, I just didn't notice it for what it was trying to warn me about. I think it started when I had the idea for a new book that would be about a rabbit. More specifically, an Easter Bunny that did something bad. It was the rabbit that should have alerted me that fear was dwelling deep down in my psyche. 

Now, before you shake your head and think that I've gone off the deep end, let me explain. The message of the spirit animal rabbit is about fear. Real rabbits are fearful little creatures and often become frozen, unable to move, when their fears take hold of them. We humans can experience this phenomenon, too. I missed the significance of a rabbit being so active in my mind. 

About the same time that the idea for the book was consuming my thoughts, my Dad fell and broke his elbow pretty badly. Fear did swell up to the forefront of my thoughts for his well being. There were life threatening complications that obviously caused a great deal of stress and fear for him. Taking care of my Dad sort of pushed the writing completely off of the burner. 

As Dad began to slowly get better, we (the world) find out about the virus and learn words like social distancing and stay in place orders. I will admit the idea of Dad being exposed scared the daylight right out of me. I wasn't fearful for me but for him. Rabbits come into play again. I discovered the book Watership Down, it is all about rabbits. Another hint? I think it might have been. 

I'll fast forward a bit, an idea started niggling in my mind about a totally different story that felt like it needed to be written before I finished the other one. It is a young girl who is called to become the next healer in her village. She is faced with prejudices, an unwillingness to be a healer and some adventures along the way. It is customary in her world for a healer or shaman to be assigned a spirit animal. She doesn't get to choose, the gods decide what she will need. She is appalled when she meets the hare (big rabbit) that will travel with her in her journey of becoming what she was destined to be. Of all the creatures for the gods to give her they give her a rabbit. What the heck good is that going to be? She is supposed to gain wisdom from an animal that is afraid of it's own shadow? Hmmm!

There it is again, a rabbit consuming my mind! Finally the light bulb comes on in my addled brain. Rabbits in my thoughts, looking up rabbit behavior, real rabbits hopping around in my yard. I can't get away from the freaking rabbits! Fear is the message of the rabbit. Do I have some fears to overcome? Well, apparently, I do.

What are my fears?


Turns out, I have several that I have ignored for a while. I guess that is why the rabbit has come as a messenger. I can't move forward until I face some of them head-on and let them go. I won't go into what they are exactly, that is a little too personal. Suffice it to say, I have identified some big ones and have begun to work on hopping around them. As I work on my journey, I have found a new motto. It is summed up best on this coffee mug:



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7 comments:

  1. You are not alone! This is such a time of fear for so many individuals. Isn't it amazing that rabbits keep appearing in your life and thoughts? I've had times in my life when a certain spirit animal kept showing up everywhere I went (coyotes, most recently). Apparently, coyote can show up when you feel you have lost your way. I'm still thinking about that symbolism. Thank you for sharing what is on your heart and mind these days. I am with you in spirit and I care. I hope your father is well.

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  2. We all have fears of one sort or another over our lifetime. Recognizing what they are and working on overcoming them is helpful. It is interesting that you have had a sweet little rabbit as your messenger in various ways. To me, the innocence of a rabbit would be a calming influence as you work on overcoming your fears.

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  3. I think we all have some very reasonable fears as well as some that need to be recognized as premonitions or warnings. I read a book several years ago that suggested that we often literally see things with our eyes that our mind captures, but that we don't realize we have seen. It also talked about how some people can feel someone looking at them, while others try to shut out those natural senses. It was a good book that should make everyone stop and think about the "whys" of their fears. There are indeed often very real reasons for them. As always, I believe you are very wise to explore the whys behind your fears. They are often there to help you face a reality that you may need to be prepared for. Like a woman who senses being watched so she sets her keys between her fingers. When the attacker approaches, she is prepared to stab him with her keys, giving her time to run. Ignoring those natural senses would leave her more vulnerable to become a victim.

    Btw, I love rabbits. I always have. Their "fears", skittishness,& avoidance tactics are natural and necessary to their very survival. They truly have many predators.

    Clearly, I don't know the reasons behind you fears, or even your fears, but I do think you are very wise to acknowledge, face, examine, and prepare if necessary.

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  4. Bev, I love your new motto! (I need another mug like I need a hole in my head, lol, but I'm tempted by this one. Is the text on both sides? I'm right-handed, so for me, the text shown would be on the "back.") I think it's wonderful that you've been able to see and interpret the pattern and symbolism of rabbits as a theme bubbling up from your subconscious. I know my life would have been much different if I had not allowed fear to paralyze me in times of crisis when I was younger. Congratulations on your breakthrough. I hope that, as your mug says, everything you've ever wanted is on the other side. <3

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  5. I love that quote, it's been popping up in my life for the past 12 months as I try to work through some things.
    Good luck with working your way through them, you've taken the first step and if you need a support person I'm just a message away.

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  6. Love your quote at the end, beautiful and true. I do a lot of spiritual work to battle fear/dark energy and have gotten pretty at it - I look at it as a living thing and refuse to give it my power, so I send it light and love and the darn thing scatters, it hates light lol - Funny what you say about Rabbits, my friend loves them, they're a part of her life, and yep, she copes with fear.

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  7. Oh Bev, I hear you. I don't seem to dream about things that I remember very well, but I would guess that a rabbit or two have been in my mix. Fear has a way of making it impossible to move. I think I need to do some meditating and problem solving in my life too.

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