The Best Knee Pillow for Side Sleepers: A Review

I'm a Side Sleeper with Bad Knees

I have had neck problems and back problems for years, and thirty years ago a physical therapist told me that when I sleep, I should keep a pillow under my knees if I'm on my back or between my knees if I sleep on my side. I am also supposed to hug a smaller than normal size pillow. It has not been easy to find pillows that will help me sleep without  pain.  I'm sharing the results of my search with you to save you time if you also need a knee pillow.

Modified image from Pixabay

I've always been a side sleeper. The main reason for that was that I have post-nasal drip that makes me cough during the night, and when I cough lying on my back, it hurts my ribs. (Getting old isn't much fun.) This year my knees have developed problems. I could not seem to find one of any of the numerous pillows around the house that was the right shape or thickness to fit well between my knees to keep my knees and hips properly aligned. I finally decided to get a pillow made for the job.

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& 

Finding the Best Knee Pillow

I searched several knee pillows on Amazon and decided on this one – the Cushy Cloud Memory Foam Knee Pillow. It arrived almost instantly – the very next day – although I had ordered only the standard free shipping. I was very happy about this, since my right knee, which had been my good one, had suddenly gotten so bad I could hardly walk.

The inside of my Cushy Cloud is all memory foam. The outside is a soft gray cover that I can machine wash if necessary. It has a zipper closing to keep the pillow snug inside. I love it. Although I can sleep on my back when I want to since I got my new REM adjustable bed, I still often want to sleep on my side. The pillow can be placed between my thighs or below my knees to keep my spine properly aligned and my knees almost pain-free. Heat helps, too. Now I crawl under my electric blanket for the warmth and put the pillow in place. Within minutes the pain in my knee has subsided so I can sleep.

Cushy Cloud Memory Foam Knee Pillow

Almost by accident I discovered something else. When I was using an ordinary pillow under my knees while on my back, I would just switch its position to between my legs when I turned to my side. Since I got the new bed, though, I didn't need a pillow under my knees because the bed adjusted. If I wanted to turn over, I had to take the pillow off the table next to the bed and maneuver it under the covers to get it between my knees, and I always had to struggle enough to do this to wake myself up thoroughly or to set off a hot flash. I discovered that if I kept the Cushy Cloud standing tall between my knees while on my back, it was already there when I wanted to roll over, and it kept my knees warmer in the meantime. If that left knee is really hurting bad when I go to bed, I put it over the concave top of the Cushy Cloud when I'm sleeping on my back and it gives me extra support and warmth while elevating my knee a bit more. It seems to help relieve the pain.

A Pillow to Hug

In case you're wondering, my favorite pillow to hug is a camping / toddler / travel pillow. I have shown one that's the same size but a better pillow below. I have also included among the suggestions the pillow cases that fit it. I'm going to break down and buy a couple myself. The one that came with my pillow, bought decades ago, finally wore out, and substituting a normal pillow case just doesn't work well. It's easier to pick one up at Amazon than to scour the local stores in search of one, even now that I know what I'm looking for. The ones I recommend below will fit most camping, travel, or toddler pillows. They definitely match the toddler pillow I recommend below.

Sometimes getting a good night's sleep depends on having the right bed and the right pillows on it. We bought out beds after spending a lot of time trying them out in person, and that's the only way I'd buy a bed. The pillows I've recommended can be successfully purchased online. If you aren't satisfied with your Cushy Cloud knee pillow, you can send it back for a refund. I'm keeping mine.

 Cushy Cloud Memory Foam Knee Pillow - Orthopedic Contour Knee Spacer Best Pillows Hypoallergenic TODDLER PILLOW - 13 x 19 - Made in the USA - Most Trusted since 2007 - Pediatrician Recommended - Kids LOVE IT - Allergy Free - 200 Soft Percale - Machine Washable (Ages 2 - 4) TODDLER PILLOWCASE Cover - Fits 13.5 X 19 to 14 X 20 Toddler or Travel Pillow - 100% Luxury Microfiber - Hand Made in the USA - 100% SATISFACTION GUARANTEE Child/Toddler/Travel size 14x21 Junior Pillowcase 100% cotton Color: WHITE

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Shower Accessories I Depend Upon; A Review

Taking a Shower Is More Complicated Than It Used to Be

Having the right shower accessories makes it easier. I have always been a shower person rather than a bath person. Showering was a pretty simple matter most of my life. I'd get in the shower, soap up and rinse, dry myself, and get out. No big deal. Now that I'm 73 and not quite as limber as I used to be, taking a shower seems like a much bigger deal.

Invacare I-Fit Shower Chair with Back Support for Shower or Bath, Supports Up to 400 lbs.Check Price

To complicate my showers even more, we have to deal with water rationing here in California. We can't just let showers run while the water heats unless we want to pay higher water rates. When I get into the shower, I need to take a large container in with me to collect the cold water. When the water is warm, I can go about the business of getting clean.  

After soaping up and rinsing off, I normally shave my legs. When I do that, I need to put my legs up where I can reach them easily. For that I use my shower chair. At this point in my life I can still get my legs up, one at a time to shave them. 

After my shower, I also use the chair when I dry my legs. It's so much easier to reach my feet and legs when they are resting on the seat of my shower chair. The photo above is of the Invacare Shower Chair with Seat Back. It is very similar to the one I use. Mine is an Invacare, but they may not make the same model anymore. Mine is over twenty years old.

A Shower Chair is Even More Important After Surgeries Limit Movements

I have had several surgeries this past two years. First I had foot surgery and it was a few weeks before I could stand in the shower. It was really wonderful to have a place to sit. I use a hand-held shower head that can help me get wet where I need to while I'm sitting down. I'm also beginning to have knee problems that sometimes makes sitting to shower easier. One can still shave from the sitting position and wash hair while sitting down.

I could not get along well without a shower seat. But all shower seats are not created equal. The first one I ever got is still at home. It has no back and a plastic seat. It has chrome legs. After several years, the legs are not only rusty, but they are now also wobbly. I don't feel quite safe putting my legs up on it to shave anymore. It moves under me.

Since my last surgery, I live most of the time at a house I inherited from my mother. It has a much better shower chair - one with a back.  Both the seat and legs are much sturdier. It most closely resembles the Invacare Shower Chair with Seat Back above, except that part of the legs on mine are aluminum. When I need to sit, I can lean back and have support. The legs don't rust or wobble. Along the side edges are some slots that can hold hand-held shower fixtures. You can see it in my photo below. 

Things to Consider Before Buying Your Shower Seat

 Drive Medical RTL12505 Handicap Bathroom Bench with Back & ArmsCheck Price Carex Bath Seat And Shower Chair With Back For Seniors, Bath ChairCheck Price Essential Medical Supply Height Adjustable Shower and Bath BenchCheck Price Zadro 12-inch Wide Best Silicone Squeegee with Clear Ergonomic HandleCheck Price

 

Since my house came with this shower seat, I've never had to assemble it. Others have testified it is very easy to assemble. The leg lengths and seat height are easily adjustable. I'm not sure if the back of this one can be removed, but it can be removed from the Carex Universal Bath Bench pictured below, which is very similar in style. Both can hold up to 400 pounds.The size of the chair makes it able to fit into both stall and bathtub showers. I'm going to get one of these for our permanent residence before I fall someday leaning a leg on the backless seat I have there now. I have learned that you get what you pay for.

Before you buy a chair for your shower, decide if you want or need arms on it. I don't have arms on mine and have never missed them, but I do have a grab bar in the shower to assist me in getting up and down. If you are not disabled, you may not need arms or a back. But since the Carex Shower chair has a removable back, it can adjust to meet future needs. Be sure to measure your shower to make sure the chair will fit. I believe the Carex Universal Bath Bench is the most compact and will fit in almost all showers. 

Wiping the Shower Walls Eases Cleaning the Shower Later

When I finish my shower, I like to get the water off the doors and the shower sides, since the water here is very hard. I used to use a towel at the other house, but the shower is much bigger here and the towel is soaked before I finish. I dug out the old simple shower squeegee my mother-in-law used to have, but it was useless and put water back on the door as fast as it removed it. So I went to Amazon looking for a replacement.

My Invacare Shower Chair. My Zadro Squeegee

is on top on the right.

I finally purchased the Zadro Fogless Ergonomic Squeegee and it has been very efficient in removing the water. The blade is a foot long and shaped so it can fit under the other door when the two shower doors that meet are closed. Since each door is two feet wide, I can easily clean half a door with one swipe. The blade meets the door surface snugly enough to remove most of the water. The few drops that drip back can easily be removed with a small rag or towel. The old plastic squeegee you see to the left of the seat in my photo threw almost as much water back on the door as it took off. My Zadro squeegee (right) also does a good job on the tile surfaces on the shower walls.

The only complaint I have is that I can't use the suction holder that is supposed to attach to the shower wall. It does not adhere well to tile. It would also be one more thing the squeegee would have to go around while I'm using it, since I also have the shower fixtures and the grab bar on the walls. That doesn't bother me since I can store the squeegee in one of the holes in the side of the shower seat. I usually use the long one designed as a handle and it works very well.

I am very thankful I have these two wonderful shower accessories to help me keep myself and my shower clean. They have made my life much easier. Maybe they would solve a problem for you or someone you love, too.  Why not get them today and make your life or another's easier?

   

Note: The author may receive a commission from purchases made using links found in this article. “As an Amazon Associate, Ebay (EPN), Esty (Awin), and/or Zazzle Affiliate, I (we) earn from qualifying purchases.”

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Review of Dollhouses and Dollhouse Accessories

My Cousin Edna Surprised Me With a Dollhouse for Christmas

My Cousin Edna could think up the best surprises for me. One of them was my dollhouse. I only had vague ideas about what I might want but she always knew what would make my eyes sparkle more than I did myself. 

My Family and My Dollhouse
Photo Is from Family Collection

Both my grandmothers died when I was a child. One I'd never known except for a total of about ten days. She lived in Oklahoma, and my parents had only taken me to visit my father's parents once. My mother's mother was closer and I have some early memories of doing things at her house, but she died when I was seven. It was Cousin Edna, my father's mother's first cousin, who filled in for my grandparents. The magic she worked in my life made her seem more like my fairy godmother.

My dad had promised his mother that he would act as a son to Edna, who had never married. She lived about thirty miles from us, and we visited her every Sunday afternoon unless we had invited her to our house. We also visited her on Christmas and Easter. After Santa (or the Easter Bunny) had visited me at home, we would then go to dinner at Cousin Edna's to see what he had left at her house. He really outdid himself there.

It was on my fourth Christmas that I discovered Santa had left me a dollhouse under her tree. Cousin Edna must have realized I would need something quiet to do since I was still convalescing from scarlet fever. There were no antibiotics back then and I had to limit my activity to get completely back to good health. That dollhouse was just the right medicine. I loved dolls and I had a vivid imagination. You  can see me with my dollhouse that morning with my parents in the top photo. 

Back then, we did not have television. That meant the media didn't tell us what we needed to make us happy. To make a Christmas list, one actually had to look through a paper catalog, magazine, or news ad or visit an actual store. I never would have thought to ask for a dollhouse. I'm not sure I even knew they existed before I found mine under the tree. But it was love at first site.

So often today, children only know to ask for what their friends are talking about as the “coolest” toy or what they see advertised on television or the internet. Sometimes they will even tell you they want something because the other children they know are talking about it – not because they really want it. Some children, like me, can be even happier with something that a loving parent or grandparent who knows them well, picks out to match their interests. Perhaps there's a special little girl in your life who wants a dollhouse or princess castle and just won't know it until you give her one. Or maybe there's even a boy who would like to be lord of his own castle or the father of the house. 

Everyone in my family knew how much I liked to play with my dolls. Cousin Edna usually gave me a new one every Christmas. It's no wonder Cousin Edna thought I might be delighted with a dollhouse, and she was right. I was.

Like Any Other House, a Dollhouse Needs Furniture

Interior of My Dollhouse, from Family Photo Collection

Cousin Edna saw that my dollhouse was fully equipped so that I could start playing with it immediately. It came with its own baby doll and a furnished nursery. It also had a finished kitchen, dining room, and living room, complete with a grand piano downstairs. The bedroom, bathroom, and nursery were upstairs. I'm guessing Cousin Edna had a lot of fun setting this up. You can imagine all the fun I had playing with it.

Today one can buy even prettier dollhouses. You can buy almost any style at Amazon. After reading through endless reviews,  I have recommend the dollhouses below for young children. The Fisher-Price Loving Family Dreamhouse comes with its own family -- male, female, school-age girl, and baby. It seems to be the easiest dollhouse to assemble and requires a Philips screwdriver and three AA batteries. Reviews by users state it took them ten - fifteen minutes to get the job done.

This dollhouse has a flushing toilet, doorbell, and other sound effects, and has lights that light. Very little furniture comes with the house, just enough to start playing. You may want to purchase more. There is no kitchen, but there is a room for which you can purchase kitchen appliances. Although this model has a Caucasian family, you can also get it with an African-American family. Read the complete reviews on Amazon and watch the videos, including that by a purchaser, for a wealth of information and answers to commonly asked questions.

The KidKraft dollhouses accommodate dolls up to the size of Barbies, but do not come with their own dolls. They do, however, come with more furniture than the Fisher-Price Loving Family Dreamhouse. It is a large dollhouse and some models have rooms completely open to the outside to make the pieces easier to play with from outside. The larger size makes this ideal for more than one child to play with at a time. Read the complete descriptions and watch the video and other reviews when you click through to discover the unique features of each dollhouse. The Kidcraft dollhouses do take more assembly time -- hours, not minutes, and some suggest a helper would be useful. If I were assembling this, I would not wait until Christmas Eve or whatever day you want to give this to a child before beginning to assemble. I always expect things to take longer than stated. Murphy's Law always seems to apply when I do something with my hands. According to the reviews, the work is worth it because the children love these dollhouses.

 KidKraft Savannah Wooden Dollhouse, Over 4 Feet Tall with Porch Swing and 14 Accessories, Gift for Ages 3+Check Price Fisher-Price Loving Family Dream Dollhouse with Caucasian Family(Discontinued by manufacturer)Check Price KidKraft Majestic Mansion Wooden Dollhouse with 34-Piece Accessories, Working Elevator and GarageCheck Price

 

Many dollhouse styles are available -- even a castle  or two. There are also more Victorian, dolls of different ethnic origins, royal families, medieval figures, and princess dolls -- any kind of doll your child needs for imaginative play. If a dollhouse has a garage, you can be sure there will be a car you can add on to go inside of it, and maybe even a roadtrip set to add on.

I have included some fold and go wooden dollhouses below. These are more portable when entertainment is needed away from home, or even in a different room. These dollhouses also may be more appealing to boys, especially the castle with its medieval figures and horses. Children can be kings, queens, knights, squires, etc. The regular Melissa and Doug Fold and Go Wooden Castle comes with six play  figures. The Medieval Castle doesn't have dolls included. Reviewers were very happy with the Schleich Knights, Dragons and other action figures they purchased separately. Other reviewers thought the cheaper set of ten Safari Ltd knights and dragons that have a carrying tube were just right. I have also suggested the Melissa and Doug Princess Castle Accessory Set for the castles.

When you click through to a product page, you will see several suggested accessories such as additional furniture, dolls, cars, pets with their own housing, etc. Use your own creativity to put just the right package together to give your child years of imaginative play. The possibilities are endless. Be sure to check age recommendations if you are buying for a young child. Some items in the suggested related products may be for older hobbyists.

 Melissa & Doug Fold & Go Wooden Dollhouse With 2 Play Figures and 11 Pieces of FurnitureCheck Price Melissa & Doug Fold and Go Wooden Castle Dollhouse With Wooden Dolls and Horses (12 pcs)Check Price

 

I was still an only child back in the 1940's, and I depended upon my imagination and books for amusement. I could play out endless scenarios with my new doll in its dollhouse. Television was not even being talked about yet, and it would be years before the first one appeared in our neighborhood. Children read or played with toys. My favorite toys were dolls, and that included the one that came with my dollhouse. It was many years before I stopped playing with dolls and my dollhouse, but I kept it to pass to my own daughter when she came along.

Today, with all the available electronics, many children haven't experienced enough of the imaginative play they need. Most children will be able to enact many scenarios from their life experience in a regular dollhouse. This kind of play helps them try on different roles and outcomes. If you get your child a castle, it's a great way to familiarize him with a different period of history. Maybe you could stick a book like The Knight at Dawn (Magic Treehouse #2) or one of your favorite age-appropriate medieval stories, inside the castle, to get his imagination going. Read it aloud to young children. Those ages 6-9 may be able to read it themselves.

 If your child is very visual, try A Year in a Castle from The Time Goes By series. It's appropriate for any child of kindergarten age and up. Even older children will get lost in the intricate illustrations of castle life, and all readers will learn what activities were a normal part of castle life and the names of what you might find as part of or inside a castle. Either of these books will provide enough for a child's imagination to make good use of the new castle dollhouse in his play.

Whether your child wants to be a princess, a parent, a knight, a king or queen, or even a dragon, playing with a dollhouse will provide hours of happy and imaginative play. Why not put one under the Christmas tree for a child you love?

Note: The author may receive a commission from purchases made using links found in this article. “As an Amazon Associate, Ebay (EPN), Esty (Awin), and/or Zazzle Affiliate, I (we) earn from qualifying purchases.”

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Review of The Replacement Wife by Eileen Goudge

The Replacement Wife, by Eileen Goudge, attempts to answer the question, “How would it work out practically if a wife with a terminal illness tried to select the one her husband should remarry after her death?

Camille is a professional and very successful matchmaker. She has been to the weddings of many happy clients. So when she learned her cancer, which had been in remission, had returned and even spread, she began to lose hope that she would live to see her two children grow up. Her doctor gave her a 3% chance to live, and that was only if she submitted to another stem cell replacement transplant. She was not sure she wanted to go through that kind of fight again with so little chance of winning.

She is so upset by the prognosis, that she stops off at a bar on the way home. Her physician husband Edward has left a message saying he has to work late again, and she knows the children are home alone, with her fourteen-year-old daughter in charge of her nine-year-old brother, Zach.

Her memories flash back to her own childhood. Her mother had died when Camille was only fourteen, the same age as her daughter Kyra. Camille's father was a traveling man, gone three weeks of every month. Only their live-in housekeeper Rosa, who could barely speak English, was there for her and her eleven-year-old sister Holly. Her grandmother Agnes lived on the other side of the country. Agnes called often, suspicious that her son never seemed to be there. Camille had manufactured an imaginary friend of her mother's so she could give Agnes a name when she demanded to know who besides Rosa was looking after them. She was afraid of having herself and Holly reported as being left on their own and placed in foster care. She found herself taking charge of the household the way her mother had, making sure her father remembered birthdays, meetings with teachers, etc. She never wanted Kyra to have to go through what she did.

Camille's husband Edward had been a rock to her during her illness. But that illness had also disrupted their relationship to the point where he no longer looked forward to going home. Camille's illness had been in remission so long he now felt things were finally able to go back to normal. While Camille had been getting her bad news, he'd been visiting a travel agent, getting information on places they might vacation to celebrate their approaching 20^th anniversary. He felt that could be a new beginning for them.

When Edward and Camille were finally alone after the children went to bed that night, Edward was devastated by Camille's news and he urged Camille to fight for her life. Camille was reluctant since there were no new experimental drugs she qualified to try. She had another plan. She decided she would use her professional skills as a matchmaker to find her replacement as Edward's wife and as a mother for her children.

Edward was not receptive to this idea. He insisted he only wanted Camille. He was not eager to remarry. She insisted the children needed a stable life and someone there for them when they came home. She envisioned them coming home to an empty house as their dad continued to work late almost every night. She didn't want Kyra to have a childhood like hers. She insisted Edward come to the next “meet and greet” she threw for her single clients so that he might find someone. It all seemed very logical to her.

What she hadn't counted on was the human element. People like making their own decisions. She also hadn't counted on getting into a new drug trial that put her cancer back in remission. You will have to read the book to find out what happened to all concerned.

The plot intrigued me. What married woman with children would not wonder what would become of her family if she died? But I also wondered how trying to play God with relationships in this situation would work? It's one thing to know and even hope your husband would remarry. It's quite another to try to find another woman to marry him shortly after you are gone, and have her spending time getting to know your husband and children while you are still alive and watching everything -- even to have her along on family vacations.

I would recommend this book to anyone who is intrigued with human drama, how relationships, marriages and families work, and what cancer patients experience not just physically, but emotionally. I believe the author took a question – How would it work if a wife picked her own replacement? – and turned it into a well-thought-through novel. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it, though I might have wished for a different ending.  

Note: The author may receive a commission from purchases made using links found in this article. “As an Amazon Associate, Ebay (EPN), Esty (Awin), and/or Zazzle Affiliate, I (we) earn from qualifying purchases.”

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The Day Before 911: A Review

September 11, 2011 (911) Changed the Lives of All Americans

The Day Before 911 reflects on how 911 changed a DOD teacher overseas and the students he served and their families. It begins in 2011, ten years after the terrorists took out the World Trade Center. At that time Elliot was teaching in Germany. He hadn't expected to be back in the classroom. He had cleaned it out at the end of the previous year when he retired to become a writer. But life happened, and he returned to teaching after all. Although he had been teaching high school students in the previous year, he is now facing sixth graders because that's the grade that needed a teacher.

Ground Zero, Image License CCO, Public Domain

As he enters the class, he sees he needs a way to build rapport with these new students. He decides to use the school’s coming commemoration of the ten-year anniversary of 9/11 as an excuse tell them a story about a hero named Tony who loved baseball and stood a very good chance of being drafted into the big leagues. Then terrorists attacked the World Trade Center in New York and brought down the Twin Towers, killing over 3,000 people,  Tony quit baseball and joined the Marines. He was blown up eleven times, but still kept going back to fight.

Elliot’s students found this hard to believe, but he explained that the qualities that made Tony good at baseball were the same qualities that made him a good Marine. He had learned teamwork in baseball and would have done anything for his teammates. Elliot told his students that Tony had “loved baseball and his teammates so much that he joined another team and put on a different uniform just so he could protect the way of life that he was giving up."

As Elliot was beginning his story, one of the girls raised her had to say that her birthday was (September 11.) It hit Elliot that she had never been able to celebrate her birthday on the actual day she was born. The terrorist attacks had happened on her very first birthday. After that, they always celebrated her birthday on September 10, the day before 9/11. It struck Elliot that since he’d taught high school before, this was the first history class he’d taught that had not remembered 9/11. 

Sources: All quotes used here are from The Day Before 9/11 by Tucker Elliot. I noticed after writing this that Amazon also featured some of these quotes readers, including me, had highlighted, on its Kindle edition page.

9/11 - The Filmmakers' Commemorative Edition

See What Happened on that Horrible Day in American History

This documentary film was shot as a result of videographers being at the right place at the right time. They were there to record the training of a firefighter at a firehouse a short distance from the World Trade Center when the first tower was struck.

Child Abuse in the Military

One of he undercurrents in The Day Before 9/11 was child abuse in the military. Elliot blamed himself for the death of two sisters, Angel and her little sister Grace. Angel had many absences from school he should have investigated in person. He also didn't read an email Grace sent not long before her death that might have motivated him to intervene.

He was at a family gathering after burying his grandmother. He was to fly out the next day to speak at a conference. His mother had ordered take-out pizza and he was supposed to pick it up. While waiting to go, he was scanning his email and saw the header of an email sent a few hours earlier by Angel. By this time his nephew was screaming loudly for him to go get the pizza. He deleted the email, not realizing its importance, and had gone to pick up the pizza.

The deaths haunt Elliot through the rest of the book and he fights his guilt and his loss of faith because he believed God hadn't answered his prayers for his students. He knew his students were dealing with the issues these videos discuss. He especially saw the effect on the children of not only absent parents, but the fear of the children whenever a parent left to go to a new post.

These are some of the same issues faced by children Tucker Elliot taught.

Two Special Girls - Sami and Angel

Although this book will show you a lot about living as an expat civilian on a military base during wartime, you will learn much more about what it means to be a teacher and a human being. As Tucker Elliot looks at how his life and the life of his students changed after 9/11, he is filled with shame and guilt. Four girls entered his life -- Sami in Korea and the others, Angel, Grace, and the Birthday Girl, in Germany. Two of them died, and he believes if he'd followed his better instincts instead of withdrawing he might have saved those two who died.

The first special student was Sami. She walked into his life the year he was teaching in Korea. She loved soccer, and he was the athletic director. He used soccer to reach her and help her be strong in the face of change. When the school had to close for ten days after 9/11 for security reasons, Sami had missed Tucker. When she returned after the school reopened, her parents came with her. Sami hugged Tucker tightly and buried her face in his chest as she said she'd missed him. She introduced her parents. He was impressed with both. Her father was high on the chain of command, and Tucker could tell he was as good a father as he could be while gone so much. Tucker thinks:

I knew right then, my worst fear was going to come true.

Not letting the terrorists win means sometimes the good guys are going to die.

I thought, God no. Not this family.

When the classroom was empty, Tucker would go from desk to desk and pray for each student.

Marine looking at wall of Vietnam Memorial 

Source: Wikipedia, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.5/

He himself came from a military family. His dad and uncle had fought in Vietnam. His uncle never came home. His grandmother said she had 'received a flag for a son.' Tucker had visited the Vietnam Memorial in the company of his dad, but he couldn't get his dad to talk about his war experiences. Then at the memorial, his dad's actions changed. As he walked along the wall he ran his fingers over several names and prayed. When he came to his brother's name, he fell to his knees, rolled himself into a fetal position and cried.

Tucker had been named after his uncle and felt the burden of needing to be heroic himself and live out the kind of life his uncle never had the chance to live. He saw it as a heavy burden and says he resented carrying that burden because he could never be as good as his uncle.

There is too much pain and wisdom in the book to share it all here. But I will try to share some of it.

He says:

Teaching isn’t rocket science. It’s about being engaged, listening, paying attention. Despite conventional wisdom, you don’t need to talk a lot to teach well. You do need to care, though. Not so much about what people think of you or whether or not they like you, but about the kids and doing what’s best for them.

Sami's family was transferred to another part of the world. She emailed Tucker, but he never opened her emails. When he got to Germany the next year, he met Angel.

It turns out Sami had been Angel's best friend, and was delighted to have Tucker as her teacher. By the time Tucker met Angel, her mother, whom he'd not yet met, was already suffering from depression. Tucker had visited Ground Zero by then, and he reflects, "So many lives had been lost on that day, but ... I'd come to understand that military children continued to be victimized by these attacks." They were constantly losing their parents to deployment, not knowing if they would ever see them again. He couldn't deal with seeing that pain. He had transferred to Germany so he could teach in a larger school and be more anonymous.

It didn't work, though. Angel found him and told him Sami was upset because he didn't answer her emails. Angel had brought a brand new mousepad. She put it down beside where Tucker's computer would go and wrote her name on it in big letters. When he asked what she was doing, she said, 'You forgot Sami. I don't want you to forget me, too.'

Tucker still hesitated to be involved outside of class hours and usually went home at the end of the school day. Compared to the way he had interacted with his students in Korea, in Germany he was almost aloof as he tried to maintain emotional distance.

Autumn and Winter, and Sami Again

Five months later Sami entered his life again. Angel missed three days of school just after Sami came back. He thought of checking on her, but Sami was draining his energy.

Autumn Leaves, © B. Radisavljevic

Tucker tells us autumn and the first part of winter seemed to move along with no visible problems, but then all hell broke loose. Sami's dad got called back to Qatar and Angel's dad was sent to Kuwait. Neither family was ever the same again, nor was Tucker. By this time he strongly suspected something was wrong in Angel's family, but Sami wouldn't betray Angel's confidence to tell him what she knew. Angel herself said she wasn't supposed to talk about "family stuff."

Sami kept nagging Tucker to go visit Angel's home to see why Angel was missing so much school. Instead of going, Tucker told Sami to send her mother over to check on Angel's family. When Angel's family was leaving for their new location, Tucker gave Angel his email address and encouraged her to get in touch with him if she needed help. He told her talk and email were two different things.

I got the feeling that Tucker had not opened his emails from Sami because he could see how dependent she was on their relationship and it drained him emotionally. It's obvious, though that he cared about her. He also cared about Angel. Angel finally did send him an email after she left, but he didn't see it until several hours later, and then circumstances discouraged him from opening it. I never could understand why he ignored the girls' emails. I wanted to yell at him to read the emails. His deleting an email from Angel (under pressure from his nephew) may have sealed her doom. (See introduction to video module above.)

It's tough to review memoirs sometimes. Novelists create the ending they want. One can't always control how one's own life or the lives of others will turn out. I don't want to spoil this narrative by telling you all of it. I have hinted at what changed Tucker Elliot. He carried the footprints of Sami, Angel and Grace in his heart. I believe they will always be there. Perhaps he will also discover who he really is and I hope he finds his peace with the God he seems to have lost faith in.

At the end of the book he is on his way to the place where his uncle died, wondering what he will think and feel when he arrives. He wonders if he will find God and forgiveness at the end of his journey. He wonders if he will be strong enough to be good. He ends he book with these words:

...pain is the harbinger of hope. You have to be alive to feel pain. If you are alive, then you have purpose. If you have purpose, then you have hope....God I want to tell Sami that....I want to tell Sami I'm sorry.

The Day Before 9/11


Don't miss this teacher's heartbreaking account of his emotional journey after September 11, 2001. We may have seen the photo of the jets hitting the Twin Towers in New York, but much of the damage done that day is not visible to outside observers. It damaged the spirits of many like Tucker and the families of the children he taught. It destroyed the lives of many who were not even in the United States that day. It just took more time.



See more of my  reviews of books for adults at Bookworm Buffet, the blog I started for that purpose. At Books to Remember, I review some of the best children's books and educational resources for teachers created before Common Core Standards existed. The books  I review there will supplement any honest curriculum and may not be politically correct, even if the companies that published  them now are.

Note: The author may receive a commission from purchases made using links found in this article. “As an Amazon Associate, Ebay (EPN), Esty (Awin), and/or Zazzle Affiliate, I (we) earn from qualifying purchases.”

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How to Make a Personalized Ornament or Decorative Tile to Honor or Remember a Much Loved Pet

Wouldn't you like an ornament of your pet hanging on your Christmas tree?

Eldon the Cat Yawning, © B. Radisavljevic

Pets are an important part of the family, but unlike your children, they can't make special ornaments to hang on the tree.  They can, however, have their pictures displayed on customized ornaments you can create at Zazzle. You know your cat or dog (or rabbit or bird or turtle or whatever pet you have) is full of personality. You probably have a memorable picture of your pet on your computer right now, just waiting to be made into an ornament or decorative tile. 

The process is simple Just follow my links to Zazzle and use my easy directions to customize. I used a former neighbor's cat, Eldon, as my model, since I don't have any pets at this time. Eldon has already crossed the Rainbow Bridge. An ornament is a great way  to memorialize him,  as you might want to do for a pet who is no longer with you. During the holidays, we miss those who are gone the most. That certainly includes our pets.

Sarah the Cat Sitting, © B. Radisavljevic

And don't forget your friends. Maybe you have a pet sitter who would like an ornament or decorative tile with your pet's picture for Christmas. Maybe your children who have moved away from home and left the family pet behind would appreciate a decorative tile or trivet to remember them all year. Or maybe you have a great shot of a friend's pet that friend would appreciate as an ornament or decorative tile. Just use your imagination and you will soon know what to give those people who won't really tell you what they want, but they really do love their pets. These ornaments don't even have to hang on a tree. They can  hang anywhere you can attach them so you enjoy them all year. 

How to Customize an Ornament for Your Pet Keepsake

You met Eldon above. Now let's see him on a premium square ornament. There are many shapes you can choose, but because Eldon has a long tail, I had to make a square ornament to squeeze it all in. Square is one of the easiest ornament shapes to work with. 

Just click the ornament images to get to  them on Zazzle.

When you click on Eldon's ornament, it will take you to its product page. I'm now going to change Eldon's ornament into one to memorialize Sarah, my neighbor's cat who visited me daily and hung out on my porch, always there to greet me when I came home, always hoping for the cat treat she knew she'd get from me. She died this year and we miss her. Read about my relationship with and see more pictures of Sarah here. 

This is how you can change the ornament for Eldon to one in honor of your pet, as I did to make mine in honor of Sarah.   

• On the ornament, you will see the  "Customize it!" button. Click it. The photo will change to a design view with some red boundary lines. 
• Look to your right under "Customize it!" Scroll past the blue icons. 
• Look for Eldon with "Change Image" on his right. 
• To put your pet's picture in, just click to change.
• Upload a picture from your computer. The picture you upload should be at least 2" square, 300 pixels resolution, and in png format. 
• Use the buttons over where you changed the photo, to increase or decrease the size of the photo in the frame to fit or fill it. you can also use buttons to move the image up and down, left and right. Just play with it. You want to keep the image within the inner red box to keep it from being cropped. Test by clicking the button underneath to change to art view. That shows you how your finished product will look. 
• Above where I changed the image, you can change the text to match your pet's name and date, to remove any text, or to change the text to whatever you want to say. While the square is still around your text, you can drag it wherever in the product you want it to be. 
• As you scroll down the right side, you can change the background color or the ornament's shape and style.   I normally pick my style first and then fiddle with the images and text, either of which you can change from this screen.

If your image doesn't look quite right, you can use the "arrange" or "edit" drop down menus, or you can mouse over the icons to see what they do and use them to make your picture large enough to fill all the space or smaller to  fit better. You can play with them until your ornament looks the way you want it to. The previews where you choose your shapes shows you how  your photo will look in those other shapes. When your ornament is just right, use the big blue/orange button near the top right to "Add to Cart." (It's blue until the mouse turns it orange.)

Here's how Sarah's ornament turned out. Notice that I dragged the text to a location where it would show better.

Ornament: Black Tuxedo Cat Sitting Square Metal Christmas Ornament
View other Pets Ornaments at Zazzle.com

Now Let's Look at Some Other Ornament Styles

First, meet Nicki. She was the shiest of one neighbor's cats and she didn't like to pose. I was lucky to get her at all. I have put her on a premium round ornament, and her photo had to be 2.13" x 1.25," resolution 300, png format. Larger pictures will also work, but they shouldn't be any smaller. The important thing to remember about round ornaments is that the subject should be easy to center. Before you choose a shape, be sure your photo can conform to it. 

Let's Look at the Ceramic Ornaments You Can Make from Your Pet's Pictures

Let's meet Pumpkin, the most docile of my previous neighbor's cats. She's a sweetheart, but I had to get candid shots. I have her on a ceramic round ornament. You can use the customize button to switch pictures and text. Your picture should be about 1150 pixels in diameter, 300 resolution, and png format. 
See how easy it was to get her centered? 

Ceramic ornaments have two sides you can fill and you have a lot of design flexibility. Be sure to customize both sides by clicking under the ornament to choose the front or back to work with. I put the date on the  back side, leaving the front for just the photo. You can also make both sides identical. 

Zazzle is playing around with their image links and in some cases below you will see the design, not the actual ornament. If you click the title link of the ornament, it will take you to how the design will look on the ornament, and you will also have the option of choosing the design in a different shape.

Here are some other appealing kitty ornaments you might get ideas from. This one has a frame. Just click through and put your cat into the frame.

The heart-shape ornament is also very popular. Here are some of my favorites.

This ornament is two sided. It features two photos of the same cat. I show you the back side here. One could also choose to put a picture of two  different pets on the two different sides -- maybe even a cat and a dog. 

And, lest you think I'm anti-dog, here is an ornament featuring a canine pet.

Some photos will do well on the oval shape. I like this one.

I think the star is the most complicated shape to fit a photo into, but here's one that worked well. 

If You'd Like a Pet Keepsake Larger than an Ornament to Display All Year, Make a Decorative Tile or Trivet

For a tile such as the one below, use a 4.25" x 4.25" picture, 300 resolution, png format. If you want some wiggle room, you might make your picture a bit larger to make sure it will fill the space. You can, of course, also add words. When you click through to the product page, you can customize with your own picture and words, but you will also have the option of adding a frame to make this a trivet or a box, for which this would be a decorative top. One tile gives you three different options. Here are what some others have done.

Are You Inspired to Make an Ornament or Tile to Honor Your Pet Yet?

I hope I've given you some inspiration and some practical help on how to do it. Please use the comment section for feedback, questions I've not answered, more ideas for using pet ornaments, or just to let me know you were here.

Note: The author may receive a commission from purchases made using links found in this article. “As an Amazon Associate, Ebay (EPN), Esty (Awin), and/or Zazzle Affiliate, I (we) earn from qualifying purchases.”

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