Ah, Valentine's Day.
That one day a year when lovebirds get all mushy, single people roll their eyes (or throw an anti-Valentine's party), and stores bombard us with pink and red everything.
But have you ever stopped mid-chocolate binge to wonder how this whole love-fest even started?
Buckle up because the history of Valentine's Day is way messier—and bloodier—than you'd expect. Let's review.
The Romans: Masters of Mixing Love and Chaos
Like most weird traditions, we can thank (or blame) the ancient Romans.
Before Valentine's Day was about overpriced roses and candlelit dinners, the Romans celebrated Lupercalia, a festival held in mid-February. And by "festival," I mean a bizarre mix of fertility rites, matchmaking, and light public nudity. (Yes, really.)
Picture this: young men running through the streets, smacking women with strips of animal hide because someone, somewhere, decided that would increase fertility. And instead of swiping right, single ladies would toss their names into a jar, and men would randomly pick one.
Ah, romance! Nothing says "everlasting love" like a lottery-based relationship system.
Saint Valentine: The Man, The Myth, The Martyr (Or Martyrs?)
Fast forward to the 3rd century, when Emperor Claudius II had a brilliant idea—ban marriages for young men so they'd focus on war instead of love. (Classic buzzkill move.)
Enter Saint Valentine, a rebel priest who secretly performed weddings for love-struck couples. When Claudius finds out, he throws Valentine in jail, where legend says he fell for the jailer's daughter and sends her a note signed "From your Valentine."
Touching, right? Well, not for him because Claudius executed him on February 14th.
And just like that, a martyr was born, and centuries later, we'd all be celebrating his tragic love story by eating too many chocolates.
(Oh, and fun fact: there might have been multiple Saint Valentines. Being named Valentine and getting executed was a trend back then. Who knew?)
Chaucer, Shakespeare, and the Birth of Lovey-Dovey Poetry
For a long time, February 14th was just another day on the calendar.
But then along came Geoffrey Chaucer, a medieval poet who decided to write about birds choosing their mates on Saint Valentine's Day. (This is scientifically inaccurate, but let's not fact-check 14th-century poets.)
Shakespeare took it from there, mentioning Valentine's Day in Hamlet, and before you knew it, the idea of February 14th as a day for romance started catching on.
By the 1700s, people were writing love letters, and by the 1800s, mass-produced Valentine's cards hit the scene. Because nothing says true love like a pre-written poem on fancy cardstock.
Modern Valentine's Day: Love, Capitalism, and Sugar Overload
Today, Valentine's Day is a full-blown industry. We're talking billions of dollars spent on chocolates, flowers, jewelry, and awkward dinner reservations at packed restaurants.
And while some people love grand romantic gestures, others see it as a corporate money grab. Either way, the pressure is real.
Forgot to plan something? Good luck explaining that.
Single? Congratulations, you'll be getting targeted ads for dating apps all month.
So, What's the Takeaway?
At its core, Valentine's Day is just another excuse to celebrate love.
Whether you're spoiling your partner, your best friend, or yourself (hello, self-care shopping spree), the day is what you make of it.
And if history teaches us anything, it's that we've come a long way from whipping people with goat skins.
Happy Valentine's Day! Now go eat some chocolate.
