What can you do to
help a lonely senior feel appreciated on Valentine's Day?
Many aging seniors feel more alone every year. Many were widowed or never married. Many of their friends are
beginning to leave them through death. Many outlive all their
friends. Some are lucky enough to have children nearby, but even so,
if their children have spouses or are part of a couple, they may be
focused on their spouse or significant other on the day when people celebrate
love. They may send Mom or Dad a card and / or make a phone call, but
they may not take that lonely parent to dinner or go and visit on
what may be the loneliest day of the year for those with no surviving
partner or friend. There may be parties for those in senior
residences, but that's not really personal. That lonely senior may be
feeling pretty blue on the Red and White Day of hearts and flowers.
If that lonely
senior is your mother or grandmother, get her the book Love You Forever to assure her you will always love her. It will let her know you appreciate her love for
you and that you return it. It will let her know that you will always
be there for her while she needs you, as she was there for you.
It would be best, of course, to take her to lunch and give her your
present there, but if you live too far away to do that, send the book
with a loving message on the fly leaf. Trust me, she will like it
better than a Valentine card, and it can substitute for a Valentine
card.
Love You Forever has become almost a classic gift book about maternal love. It is meaningful to
all ages. Children, mothers, and grandmothers will understand its
message of unconditional love. From the moment a mother holds her
newborn baby boy, she begins to sing to him: “I’ll love you
forever, I’ll like you for always, As long as I’m living my baby
you’ll be. ”
She continues to
sing her song whenever her boy is asleep, even as he grows up.
Eventually he becomes a mature man, marries, and moves away, but she sometimes still sneaks
over to rock him and sing the song to him. (Though it looks silly as shown in the pictures, a mother who misses her grown child can easily see it as a mental visit, a longing for the relationship she misses.)
As the years go by,
the mother grows older and older. Finally one day she calls her son
to come because she is old and sick and needs him. We watch him pick
her up, rock her and sing his own version of the song to her. His
version ends with “As long as I’m living my Mommy you’ll be. ”
But she can no longer hear it. You’ll probably cry while watching
him during those minutes he stands at the top of the stairs in grief
before going down. Later, he continues his mother's tradition in his
baby daughter’s room. He picks up his daughter and rocks her, as he
sings the song to her. This is a great gift for mothers and
grandmothers.
What Lonely Person
Needs a Card or Gift from You on February 14?
When we still have
partners, it’s so easy to overlook our parents, aunts, uncles,
grandparents, or maybe aging friends and acquaintances who may have
lost theirs. We may pay special attention to them the first year, and
maybe even the next one when February 14 comes around. But
we often
move on with our lives faster than they are able to move on with
theirs. We are younger and busier and tend to forget that they will
continue to feel lonely for years after their loss — especially on
days such as birthdays, anniversaries, and, of course, Valentine’s
Day.
How can you help? The most important thing is to make
sure your lonely friend or loved one knows you are thinking of them.
If you cannot make a personal visit, a gift with a personal note
might be in order.
Should You Send Flowers?
You
can order flowers online to be delivered if your loved one is not
allergic to them.
What has always worked best for me, though, if I can’t deliver the
flowers in person, is dealing with a local flower shop. If you’ve
never been there, stop in and make sure the flowers are of high
quality and the shop is pretty well established in town with a
reputation to maintain. Let them know what kind of arrangement you
have in mind and let them suggest what is fresh and plentiful that
will meet your needs. They will know of a reputable flower shop that they work with near
where your loved one lives. They will make the
arrangements and see that everything is taken care of to your
satisfaction. If you already know the florist is first-rate, a phone
call can take care of the entire matter.
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| Farmer's Market Roses, © B. Radisavljevic |
Last time I sent
flowers, I called a local florist I had visited many times. I talked to the shop owner who assured me
they had a reputable store to work with five hours away. I placed the
order and it was delivered as expected and the recipient was very
happy with the result.
Keep in mind that hardly any florists
will deliver on Sunday, and this is also true on line. Make your
arrangements at least two business days ahead of when you want
delivery. If you wait until the last minute your flowers may not make
it on time.
If you are fortunate enough to be close enough to
buy flowers locally and deliver them in person, there are options
other than flower shops for getting quality flowers at reasonable
prices. The ones in this picture were for sale at a local Farmers
Market the Saturday before Valentine’s Day at a very inexpensive
price compared to flowers you would have delivered. You can also buy
cut flowers and living plants at Trader Joe’s and at many local
markets. This lets you see the actual flowers your loved one will
get. Don’t forget to deliver them in or with a vase you can put
them in, so your loved one won’t have to hunt for something.
Don't Wait Until the Last Minute to Shop
You will want to get
a card or gift you have obviously put thought into. (This also
applies to husbands. I sold greeting cards in stores for ten years,
and sometimes I’d start to panic about five days before Valentine’s
Day when so many cards for wives and mothers were still sitting
there. The men would troop in either on their way home from work
February 13 or on Valentine’s Day itself — leaving their shopping
for the last minute when the selection was depleted. )
Let’s imagine
you’re a widow and your children and grandchildren all live across
the country and most of your friends have died. Maybe you do have a
daughter close by, but she is going out with her husband on
Valentine’s Day. You are bound to be feeling that you are alone on
a day when so many are doing something special with their spouses.
You miss that spouse who’s not there. You wish you had someone to
go somewhere with — even just lunch. The only place you have to go
is your mailbox. How do you feel when it’s empty, too.
Here
are some suggestions for filling that mailbox.
Be sure you write a
personal note in your own writing. Maybe a blank card will give you
more room to write. Pick a scene that might bring back a happy
memory, or a flower that's a favorite.
Try one of these blank floral cards from my collection at Zazzle. The one below is an example, but there are many different kinds of flowers in the collection.
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| Greeting Card with Coral Rose, © B. Radisavljevic |
Give Your Loved One a Valentine Gift to Brag
About
One aspect of making
a gift to a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle who lives alone or in
a senior residence is giving him or her something to show friends who
visit.
When he or she says "See what my son gave me" he or
she means "See how my son loves me and remembered me." When
you give something that lasts and will be used or displayed and seen
often, your loved one will feel remembered, loved and significant
whenever he or she sees it.
It's a gift that keeps on giving, as long
as it isn't a substitute for showing your care by personal contact on
a regular basis. It reinforces the caring things you do year-round on
those days when you can't call or visit. I still use the mugs my children gave me almost exclusively because they remind me of the good times we spent together.
These inspirational mugs from Amazon are for your mom.
Most of these items
can be customized when you order them. Some designs are also available on shirts, hats, aprons, memo boards, magnets for the refrigerator, or other gifts. I chose mugs because they are
used often and don't take up much space. Many seniors who live alone
have limited space if they have moved from their former family homes. These are mugs you can customize at Zazzle.
Maybe a teddy bear will be just the right gift for a lonely mom or grandmother. My own mom had a small collection of them.
I think many women never outgrow their love for plush animals, especially teddy bears. This one holds a reminder of your love, even on days your mom may be feeling blue because she wishes you were there with her. If she prefers some other animal to a bear,
you might want to browse through these other plush animals.
It's not the Price of the Gift, but the Thought That Counts
When people start getting older, they begin to think in terms of getting rid of things instead of accumulating more stuff. Unless you know exactly what they really do need, something small and sentimental will probably have the most emotional impact.
When your loved one who lives alone is
feeling unloved or unconnected during the other days of the year,
a gift obviously picked with love will provide some comfort. It will remind your loved
one that she is still loved on some of those days when you might be
too busy to call or visit, or if you live far away.
Men may not seem need
this as much as women do. But a widowed man who was happy in his
marriage will still be lonesome on Valentine’s Day. A card, call,
or visit to let him know he’s in your thoughts will be appreciated.
And he also might like to go to lunch or dinner if you can manage it.
If you are able to get off work early, maybe you can arrange to take
your parent or grandparent to lunch and then have a romantic dinner
with your spouse later on.
Family is most important, but also try to remember those who may have no family left. Some people may never have had children, or their children may have preceded them in death. They may have no one left. If you know someone in that position, what an act of kindness it would be to remember them with a card or a small gift or the pleasure of your company on Valentine's Day. After all, it's a day for showing love, and no one needs love more than the lonely.
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