This piece is incredibly personal to me, capturing the fading chapter of my mother's life as we navigated the grueling journey of caregiving.
While it was a time of immense challenge and heartache, I would do it all over again just to be with her. I miss her so much; if I could give my breath to see her for even a minute, I would. These lyrics were written specifically from what occurred during that time in my life, yet I know this is not just my story. It is a description of the reality for millions of mothers and daughters who have walked this difficult path.
Here's The Lyric Storyboard I Wrote & Produced To Tell This Story:
Because this is a four-minute song, every line carries a specific purpose and meaning. While I cannot detail the entire narrative here, I want to highlight the core moments that defined this journey.
In the first verse, I write, "I watched you in the kitchen trying to lift that small plate; it hurt to see you struggle to do the basic things each day." While it sounds simple, this was a daily, painful occurrence. Whether it was opening a jar or managing the simple act of lifting, her hands would shake, and we had to find tools to assist her. It was a constant reminder of how life had shifted into something far more fragile.
I also wrote, "To me, you were the bravest with everything you had to face, you'd always say 'I'm fine' knowing that wasn't the case." My mother was from the "I'm fine" generation. Even when the doctors looked at her test results and then turned to me with concern, she would insist, "I'm fine, Barb, don't worry." As I get older, I've come to understand that she didn't want anyone to reiterate her ailments; she already knew them. But at the time, it was frustrating to watch her try to hold her struggle back to protect us. It was a valiant effort, and I didn't want to break her strength, but we saw the truth behind the words.
The chorus asks, "Mama, I can't fix it, I can't make this go away. I can only hold your hand now while you whisper I'm okay." When I wrote this, I kept thinking about what I would do if I had magic powers. I couldn't "fix" the aging process, but I realized what I truly wanted: to step back in time and live just one day when she was in her prime.
There are other realities referenced in the song, like the challenge of getting in and out of her lift chair, and the terrifying process of the stairs. I remember walking directly behind her, leaning against her for support as she held the railing; this was the same woman who once ran the world and bossed us all around. Watching that shift requires a kind of strength you never knew you possessed.
Finally, I believe a song needs to reach for the light. I don't provide a perfect ending, but I do create something uplifting. I end the song with the image of my father coming for her when she passed. I'm standing there, feeling a sense of relief knowing he had her hand, that he was holding her when she crossed over, and that I will be with them again when it is my time.
If you are going through this, or have walked this road, I totally understand your agony. I know the absolute struggle of this experience. My heart is with you, and I truly hope this song brings you a little bit of empathetic peace.
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